Confirmation

We are officially outside the ten day wait. We heard today that "Marsha" had been working hard to stay busy and pass the time, just as we had been. I expect there are many questions about what happens next, but they will have to wait for another post. For now, though, here's a share of our joy:

Not Yet Midnight

I write this one-handed as Xavier Joaquín is falling asleep in my arms. It is not yet midnight, but I will fall asleep soon, too, no matter how hard I try to keep my eyes open. Here's what we know so far - "Marsha" didn't contact the agency today. There is still the outside chance that she could have put a letter in the mail today, but it seems unlikely that she would have done so without letting them know. They will call her tomorrow just to confirm, but it seems that we have passed our ten days. We exhale, and now sleep. Many thanks to all. And good night.  :)

Waiting to Exhale

No news yet since we met with "Marsha" and "Martin" on Tuesday. Xavier Joaquín is three weeks old today. We keep holding him and loving him. We jump each time the phone rings.

Our nerves are pretty fried. There's no direct action to take, and the decision is not really in our hands. We try to remain in hope and compassion. All we can do is love him while he's with us, even knowing that open hearts risk greater pain. There's a tightness in my chest that I try to breathe through and let go, but it stays with me.

We have the weekend ahead of us, then all day Monday. Perhaps at midnight we will finally be able to sleep.

The Meeting

This morning we got the news that "Marsha" wanted again to keep the baby. After a flurry of phone calls, the plan became that we were to go to the agency with Xavier Joaquín and meet "Marsha" and "Martin."We'd wanted to meet them since initially adopting Avery Javier, but today was the first time that the four of us were together in one room.

Julia and Marsha immediately embraced and cried together. The next hour and a half was a blur, but we talked about our lives, about the boys, about how complicated these decisions can be. Marsha and Martin were incredibly open with us and shared freely about their relationship and their decisions. We shared about how Avery Javier was growing up, and how Xavier Joaquín has been developing so far. There were also long moments of silence. Not uncomfortable, though. Just sitting together and feeling love for the baby and compassion for each other. We liked them very much, and they said they felt the same for us. And we agreed that however this may turn out for Xavier Joaquín, we would love to stay in touch with them, and for Avery Javier to know them as well.

Xavier Joaquín is still with us this afternoon. Marsha and Martin said that it was too difficult to give a final decision there in the office. They wanted to take a few more days to let us know. At this point we just wait. We are glad to have met them, and it has helped us be more at peace with the waiting. We know in our hearts that we all want what is best for Xavier Joaquín. What a lucky kid to have four parents wanting to love him.

Still at home

We were packing up diapers, bottles, and all the new baby stuff to get ready to take Joaquín back to the agency when we got another call. "Marsha" apparently called called the agency this morning crying and apologetic, that of course she wants what's best for the baby, and that she wants him to be raised with his big brother in a two parent home, and to please ignore her previous request to take him back. She said she was so sorry to be putting us through this.

The reality of the situation is that letter she sent by FedEx to the agency yesterday legally terminates her surrender of the baby. That means that to move forward from here she'll have to sign new surrender papers, and we'll have another 10 days to wait after that. We're looking at December 5th as the new final date.

This is really hard for us, and it must be so much harder for Marsha. Thank you to all who have been holding Joaquín in thoughts and prayers, and if your compassion can extend to Marsha as well, we hope for her grief and suffering to ease. May we all find peace in these difficult times.

The bottom line is Joaquín is still with us. And Julia's birthday today just got a whole lot happier. 

Happy birthday, my love.

Heartbroken

"Marsha" wants Joaquín back. We got the call tonight and we are to bring him to the agency tomorrow morning. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Home with Xavier Joaquín

We are home now with the new baby. Lots of ups and downs along the way. We thought we would meet him yesterday, but it turned out to be today instead. I will eventually want to write more about how the past couple of days have felt, but I am honestly too tired at the moment to put everything down in words. Let me just say that we feel very blessed.

So what's next? On the roadmap of an adoption in our state, I guess the 10-day wait is the next big landmark. For more information, you may be interested in reading how things happened last time around.  But for me, for now, it's off to sleep...

Arrival

Baby boy born last night. We may get to meet him as early as tomorrow night. More details as they emerge.

Inducing Labor

So we heard today that they'll begin inducing labor tomorrow, a week earlier than we thought. Check back tomorrow for more details!

Home Study

Yes, we have to do another home study. It seems so much easier than before. As I read over the requirements I think: "Oh yeah, I know just where the city government office is that provides the 911 records." Last time through my thoughts were "What?!? Where are we going to get a record of 911 calls for our home? Why would they even need that?!?"

I feel much calmer the second time around.

Fingerprints? Check. Drug screen? Check. Physical exam from my doctor? Check. With each new set of documents I've been putting a little number sign in the corner and indicating which of the 30-odd requirements we've just met.

The big news is that we just heard that "Marsha" has lost her mucus plug. I had to look that up online to find out it means that delivery might be just around the corner. So it seems that the new baby might arrive before the official Nov. 17 due date. We'll just have to wait and see...

Little Brother

We've found out: Javi will have a little brother!

On a related note, we spent quite a few days laughing about inadvertently saying things like "I wonder if Javi will be a big brother or a big sister?" Yes, we know. He's a big brother no matter what.

What's Better Than a Baby?

Julia sent this recently be email. She said I could post it here:


From: Julia
Subject: What's better than a baby?

TWO OF THEM!

Just two short weeks ago, we found out that Javi's birth mother is pregnant with Javi's full biological sibling. She contacted us through a lawyer (as we are not in direct contact) to say that, if we are willing, she would like us to adopt the child. The answer was, of course, a resounding yes. The baby is due November 17th (yes, in 4 weeks!). And we could not feel more blessed.
As you may remember, the path to Javi was also only 6 weeks, so we consider ourselves pros at this process. And I CANNOT imagine ever having to wait an entire 9 months.  It would drive me up the wall!

FAQ's
Gender?
We have no idea. I don't know if we will find out before the baby is born or not.

Do we have to do the homestudy again?
Yes! Can you believe that! But this second one should be a little more abbreviated.  But we will surely be racing the clock to get it done and processed before the birth

Does it cost less to adopt a sibling?
Yes. Because there is no need to go through the process of trying to match families.  Additionally, so much of the paperwork is already processed.

Baby names?
Again, no idea! we just have to get this homestudy processed and arrangements made and OMGish there's so much to do.  I don't know when we're going to name this child! But for now, we refer to him/her as Baby Dos (Two in Spanish).

Are we in touch with the birthmother?
We are not.  We would like to be, but she is the one who gets to determine her comfort level with that.  She is not comfortable with it at this time

Frustrated?
Many have asked the question of if we are angry at Javi's birthmother for waiting so late, for thinking of us as a back-up plan, for getting pregnant again, for putting too much pressure on us to adopt.  The answer is "No."  In the end, for us - the answer of adoption was a simple "yes" or "no."  The answer has always been "yes," and for that reason alone, it doesn't matter what inconveniences Javi's birthmother may have caused us. This situation is also not uncommon in the world of adoption and there are many, many, many families that would LOVE to be in our shoes -  to have this opportunity.
I cannot imagine the scars that Javi's birthmother carries from placing him for adoption. I cannot imagine what a second will do to her. I cannot romanticize her experience, nor can I be mad at her about it.

Javi's birthmother already has two children that she is raising.  Part of placing Javi for adoption was to protect her first two children from the financial blow a third child would create for the whole family unit. I respect her choices and I respect her as a fellow mother.

Registered? 
At Target. You will probably laugh at our registry, because it's just diapers and such. Sort of boring.  But it's what we need bc we already have everything from our last baby, which, may I remind you, was only 18 short months ago.  Good God - Two children under 2 years old.  This is going to be crazy-town!


Got anymore questions?  Ask away.  You know how we love to talk and talk and talk about adoption over here!!!!

Love to all
-Julia (and José and Javi, by default)

The Surprise Call

Last Friday I got a voice mail that felt like a punch in the gut. "Hi, I'm a lawyer, everything's OK, but please call me. I have some news from your son's birth mother to share with you." Everything's OK? Yeah, right. My mind is racing, and it's about 3 hours later that I find out the news. Our son has a biological sibling due in six weeks. We're the birth mother's first choice for placement. We have the weekend to decide.

Back and forth, back and forth. The timing is awful. But we really want a sibling for Javi. But Julia just changed jobs and doesn't have benefits. But she's working to build a daycare, that will help in the long run, right? But Javi is having a hard time with the transition right now. But we still have lots of baby stuff in the house. But how much more stress could we take on? But we've got a little saved up. But what about surviving month to month? Back and forth, back and forth.

We pretend the answer is "yes," and sit with how that feels for a while. We do the same for "no." We realize we each have to get to the place where we can really say "no" for it to be an honest decision. Having chosen adoption for our family, what does it mean to have a biological sibling join (or not join) our family? Back and forth, back and forth.

It takes more than the weekend, of course. But we come to a decision. We say "yes." 

The adventure begins anew...