We've found out: Javi will have a little brother!
On a related note, we spent quite a few days laughing about inadvertently saying things like "I wonder if Javi will be a big brother or a big sister?" Yes, we know. He's a big brother no matter what.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
What's Better Than a Baby?
Julia sent this recently be email. She said I could post it here:
From: Julia
Subject: What's better than a baby?
TWO OF THEM!
Just two short weeks ago, we found out that Javi's birth mother is pregnant with Javi's full biological sibling. She contacted us through a lawyer (as we are not in direct contact) to say that, if we are willing, she would like us to adopt the child. The answer was, of course, a resounding yes. The baby is due November 17th (yes, in 4 weeks!). And we could not feel more blessed.
As you may remember, the path to Javi was also only 6 weeks, so we consider ourselves pros at this process. And I CANNOT imagine ever having to wait an entire 9 months. It would drive me up the wall!
FAQ's
Gender?
We have no idea. I don't know if we will find out before the baby is born or not.
Do we have to do the homestudy again?
Yes! Can you believe that! But this second one should be a little more abbreviated. But we will surely be racing the clock to get it done and processed before the birth
Does it cost less to adopt a sibling?
Yes. Because there is no need to go through the process of trying to match families. Additionally, so much of the paperwork is already processed.
Baby names?
Again, no idea! we just have to get this homestudy processed and arrangements made and OMGish there's so much to do. I don't know when we're going to name this child! But for now, we refer to him/her as Baby Dos (Two in Spanish).
Are we in touch with the birthmother?
We are not. We would like to be, but she is the one who gets to determine her comfort level with that. She is not comfortable with it at this time
Frustrated?
Many have asked the question of if we are angry at Javi's birthmother for waiting so late, for thinking of us as a back-up plan, for getting pregnant again, for putting too much pressure on us to adopt. The answer is "No." In the end, for us - the answer of adoption was a simple "yes" or "no." The answer has always been "yes," and for that reason alone, it doesn't matter what inconveniences Javi's birthmother may have caused us. This situation is also not uncommon in the world of adoption and there are many, many, many families that would LOVE to be in our shoes - to have this opportunity.
I cannot imagine the scars that Javi's birthmother carries from placing him for adoption. I cannot imagine what a second will do to her. I cannot romanticize her experience, nor can I be mad at her about it.
Javi's birthmother already has two children that she is raising. Part of placing Javi for adoption was to protect her first two children from the financial blow a third child would create for the whole family unit. I respect her choices and I respect her as a fellow mother.
Registered?
At Target. You will probably laugh at our registry, because it's just diapers and such. Sort of boring. But it's what we need bc we already have everything from our last baby, which, may I remind you, was only 18 short months ago. Good God - Two children under 2 years old. This is going to be crazy-town!
Got anymore questions? Ask away. You know how we love to talk and talk and talk about adoption over here!!!!
Love to all
-Julia (and José and Javi, by default)
From: Julia
Subject: What's better than a baby?
TWO OF THEM!
Just two short weeks ago, we found out that Javi's birth mother is pregnant with Javi's full biological sibling. She contacted us through a lawyer (as we are not in direct contact) to say that, if we are willing, she would like us to adopt the child. The answer was, of course, a resounding yes. The baby is due November 17th (yes, in 4 weeks!). And we could not feel more blessed.
As you may remember, the path to Javi was also only 6 weeks, so we consider ourselves pros at this process. And I CANNOT imagine ever having to wait an entire 9 months. It would drive me up the wall!
FAQ's
Gender?
We have no idea. I don't know if we will find out before the baby is born or not.
Do we have to do the homestudy again?
Yes! Can you believe that! But this second one should be a little more abbreviated. But we will surely be racing the clock to get it done and processed before the birth
Does it cost less to adopt a sibling?
Yes. Because there is no need to go through the process of trying to match families. Additionally, so much of the paperwork is already processed.
Baby names?
Again, no idea! we just have to get this homestudy processed and arrangements made and OMGish there's so much to do. I don't know when we're going to name this child! But for now, we refer to him/her as Baby Dos (Two in Spanish).
Are we in touch with the birthmother?
We are not. We would like to be, but she is the one who gets to determine her comfort level with that. She is not comfortable with it at this time
Frustrated?
Many have asked the question of if we are angry at Javi's birthmother for waiting so late, for thinking of us as a back-up plan, for getting pregnant again, for putting too much pressure on us to adopt. The answer is "No." In the end, for us - the answer of adoption was a simple "yes" or "no." The answer has always been "yes," and for that reason alone, it doesn't matter what inconveniences Javi's birthmother may have caused us. This situation is also not uncommon in the world of adoption and there are many, many, many families that would LOVE to be in our shoes - to have this opportunity.
I cannot imagine the scars that Javi's birthmother carries from placing him for adoption. I cannot imagine what a second will do to her. I cannot romanticize her experience, nor can I be mad at her about it.
Javi's birthmother already has two children that she is raising. Part of placing Javi for adoption was to protect her first two children from the financial blow a third child would create for the whole family unit. I respect her choices and I respect her as a fellow mother.
Registered?
At Target. You will probably laugh at our registry, because it's just diapers and such. Sort of boring. But it's what we need bc we already have everything from our last baby, which, may I remind you, was only 18 short months ago. Good God - Two children under 2 years old. This is going to be crazy-town!
Got anymore questions? Ask away. You know how we love to talk and talk and talk about adoption over here!!!!
Love to all
-Julia (and José and Javi, by default)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
The Surprise Call
Last Friday I got a voice mail that felt like a punch in the gut. "Hi, I'm a lawyer, everything's OK, but please call me. I have some news from your son's birth mother to share with you." Everything's OK? Yeah, right. My mind is racing, and it's about 3 hours later that I find out the news. Our son has a biological sibling due in six weeks. We're the birth mother's first choice for placement. We have the weekend to decide.
Back and forth, back and forth. The timing is awful. But we really want a sibling for Javi. But Julia just changed jobs and doesn't have benefits. But she's working to build a daycare, that will help in the long run, right? But Javi is having a hard time with the transition right now. But we still have lots of baby stuff in the house. But how much more stress could we take on? But we've got a little saved up. But what about surviving month to month? Back and forth, back and forth.
We pretend the answer is "yes," and sit with how that feels for a while. We do the same for "no." We realize we each have to get to the place where we can really say "no" for it to be an honest decision. Having chosen adoption for our family, what does it mean to have a biological sibling join (or not join) our family? Back and forth, back and forth.
It takes more than the weekend, of course. But we come to a decision. We say "yes."
The adventure begins anew...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)