Due Date News

So we heard today that the due date is actually April 1st. Ha! That's 3 days from now.

We also found out that "Marsha" went to her doctor on Thursday last week and that she's not as dilated as the doctor was expecting. She's going back for a follow up this Tuesday morning. What we're hearing is that if she doesn't go into labor by Thursday they're going to schedule to induce labor on Friday. That means we could be doing paperwork on Saturday and going home with baby on Sunday! Yipee!!!

No News Is Good News

No news. But that's really good news, right? No news means that things are on track. No news means that there haven't been any changes. No news means that everything is proceeding as planned.

But seriously: no news is so aggravating!

Meeting the Grandparents

We recently met with the birthmother's parents for lunch, together with the head of the adoption agency. We went into this meeting not really knowing what was going to happen, and full of anxiety. While we left the meeting with some new facts (It's a BOY!!!) we also left with the feeling that the real purpose of the meeting was for the grandparents to see us in real life, probably for the first and last time. While we'd hoped for an open adoption, we're willing to do whatever "Marsha" wants. It appears that she wants to avoid direct communication with us, which is why we met her parents.

We gave the grandparents a gift of two photo albums, one for them and one for Marsha. The adoption agency will require us to send pictures to the agency at regular intervals, but whether or not the family wants to receive them is still uncertain.

From my side of the table, I was relieved and pleased to meet the grandparents. It's clear that they love and care for their daughter very much, and are protective of her in this situation. Her dad said something like "Choosing you guys 'on paper' is one thing, but it's nice to be able to look someone in the eye and shake their hand." I couldn't agree more.

Here are some things we learned:
We'll get a call from the adoption agency with Marsha goes into labor. She was early with her two current children, so it could be very soon.
We'll get another call when the baby is born with basic info like size/weight.
The baby will stay at the hospital for 48 hours before discharge.
The agency is requesting that we not come to the hospital before discharge. This is a precaution because this particular hospital (not where we'd thought before) isn't particularly friendly to adoptions, and the agency wants to minimize the risk that the staff might pressure Marsha to change her mind. We trust the agency's read on the situation.
After 72 hours, Marsha will be able to legally surrender her child.
She still has 10 days after surrender to change her mind.
Once the 10 days are over we are free and clear.

We still have one more meeting with our Home Study caseworker to complete. Hoping to blog about it early this coming week!

Hallelujah

My excitement grows. Each person I tell makes this more real. And slowly, I'm letting go of the fear. Not the fear about parenting - I expect that will be a lifetime of work. I mean the very specific fear about the possibility of loving a child for up to 10 days, and then having to give that child back. The realization is awakening in me that if I only get to be a dad for a little while, it's still something to be cherished. I'd been scared to share our news out of fear of disappointment, fear that it would be only temporary. It still might be. But I can't keep living with that fear.

So today I told lots of people. There's video proof below:

All I Know For Now

Julia called me with news today. "Marsha" has chosen us. We get to meet her parents next week! The baby is due about a month from now.

I hang up the phone a little bit in shock. I go back to my desk and try to keep ordering pencils and rubber bands and glue sticks from Staples, as if that's really the most important thing I can be doing right now. Oh, wait. Julia told me I need to call my mom. I grab my cell and walk back over to the corner of the classroom where I get a little reception. 

"Hola Mami, here's the news. It's all I know." I think, somehow, that I'm going to get away with just two or three sentences. Of course, it's not possible. I answer a flurry of questions, each time simply saying "I don't know." Finally, she asks me to put on my wizard hat and figure it all out.

I have no idea what this means.  Seriously. I can't even imagine the context for me having a wizard hat. But she tells me she loves me anyway and that she's so excited. 

I try to do some more work but I'm not really sure what I'm doing. I keep realizing that I don't know what to do next. I'm feeling pretty lost. I think I'm supposed to be excited, but I think I'm actually terrified. I keep going back to the conversation I had with a parent in my class this morning - he knew adoptive parents who'd had kids for 7 days and then the birth mother had changed her mind. We're looking at a 10 day period in our situation. Can I wait a month and then 10 more days to really celebrate? It's exhausting to think about.

I pick up Julia at work and she asks me how I'm doing. She asks if I've called my mom and I say yes. She asks if I've called my dad, and I say not yet. Then she asks if I've called my sisters. I say not yet. I'm realizing that she's going to make me call everyone, and that everyone is going to be excited, and I'm trying hard not to set myself up for anxiety and disappointment. But I guess that's the risk. Julia says "Honey, we're becoming parents. We're setting ourselves up for YEARS of anxiety." Ah yes. As the wise pediatrician said to the anxious new parent: "You've got to pace yourself."

So here's all I know. One month to new baby and parenthood. The clock is ticking!