The Ten Day Wait

Once a mom signs over parental rights, she has ten days (in our state) to change their mind. I've been hesitant to write about this topic for the last ten days, but now that we're on the other side of the waiting period I'd like to give it a shot.

One small reason I haven't written about it is that I haven't wanted to put any energy into the thought that we might only get to be Javi's parents for a little while. But a part of me also felt it would be disrespectful to "Marsha" to have a sort of countdown during this time, since we have never gotten any indication that she would change her mind. In fact, though we've never met her or communicated directly, we've gotten the sense over and over that Marsha is an incredible mother. Here's a quick example.

After she'd picked us to adopt her child, she sent her parents to meet us. Over lunch her father told us that Marsha had decided on a very clear birth plan: she wanted to give birth, not hold the child, and leave the hospital as soon as possible. He made it clear that he was going to make sure that nurses and staff did not interfere in her decision, and that Marsha was doing what she needed to do in order to be OK with the choice she was making for adoption.

Soon afterwards we found out from the placement agency that we'd have to wait 48 hours after Javi's birth to get him from the hospital. We were disappointed to learn that we wouldn't get to hold him in the first 48 hours of his life, but we eventually settled down and realized that Javi would get plenty of holding and good care from the nurses and staff.

However, when Marsha found out that we wouldn't get to hold Javi for 48 hours, she was upset as well. She ended up changing her birth plan and staying at the hospital with Javi. She got time to hold him, to wish him all the best, and to say goodbye. She stayed with him until she knew we were on our way to the hospital, and she left moments before we arrived. Before leaving, she dressed him in an outfit with the words "Be happy" over his heart.

This is just one small example, but Julia and I have seen on several occasions how strong, committed, decisive, loving, and giving Marsha has been in this process. Now, at the end of the waiting period, the most appropriate response for me is not necessarily to celebrate the wonderful joy that has come into our lives, but to be thankful for the mother that has made that joy possible.

Thank you, Marsha. May you be happy, too.