The Surprise Call

Last Friday I got a voice mail that felt like a punch in the gut. "Hi, I'm a lawyer, everything's OK, but please call me. I have some news from your son's birth mother to share with you." Everything's OK? Yeah, right. My mind is racing, and it's about 3 hours later that I find out the news. Our son has a biological sibling due in six weeks. We're the birth mother's first choice for placement. We have the weekend to decide.

Back and forth, back and forth. The timing is awful. But we really want a sibling for Javi. But Julia just changed jobs and doesn't have benefits. But she's working to build a daycare, that will help in the long run, right? But Javi is having a hard time with the transition right now. But we still have lots of baby stuff in the house. But how much more stress could we take on? But we've got a little saved up. But what about surviving month to month? Back and forth, back and forth.

We pretend the answer is "yes," and sit with how that feels for a while. We do the same for "no." We realize we each have to get to the place where we can really say "no" for it to be an honest decision. Having chosen adoption for our family, what does it mean to have a biological sibling join (or not join) our family? Back and forth, back and forth.

It takes more than the weekend, of course. But we come to a decision. We say "yes." 

The adventure begins anew...